"Trust Me"

When You Have To Ask For Trust...

Ever notice that when someone starts out saying, "Trust me," you have an equal and opposite reaction?  If a person has to ask for my trust, they have likely not yet EARNED my trust.  Trust is built over time and with experience.  Employees won't trust you because of your title, your credentials, or the number of letters behind your name. 

Building the Bridge

It sometimes takes years to build trust within a workplace.  You have to prove yourself.  You have to be consistent, predictable, and honorable.  It's like building a bridge from both shores.  You have to work every day at building the span.  Take time to get to know your people.  Take time to care about their interests.  Let them know who you are and what you care about.  People will trust that which is familiar and comfortable to them. 

Seek First to Trust, Then to be Trusted

Employees begin to trust you when you first extend trust to them.  You have to extend the olive branch out there first.  Employees will see how you want to believe in them, and they will reciprocate.

Be Seen

Employees need to see you out and about in your workplace.  Do not just reside in your office, whereby employees are expected to come see you if they need you.  Keep in mind also that familiarity breeds a sense of comfort, and that bridges over to trust. 

Your Word Is Your Sword

Keep your word.  Employees gauge your trustworthiness on how you act upon your promises.  If you have to break a promise, ask permission to break it BEFOREHAND.  Don't make a promise if you have no intention (or control) to keep it.  Be vary frugal with promises so that you don't accidently overcommit yourself and lose credibility.

The Golden Rule

Talk to employees as you would want to be talked to.  Don't talk over their heads or under their noses. 

You're Always On-Stage

Watch your mood.  If you're in a bad mood, then try to avoid contact for a while.  Your employees should see your best each and every time.  You are "On-Stage" with your employees every time you walk around the workplace.  They are watching.  Remember that everything communicates something. 

Loose Lips Sink Ships!

Trust is quickly lost when Managers violate an employee's confidentiality.  You will never get an employee (or his/her co-workers) to open up to you if you're the "loose lips" type.

Keep Them Informed

Employees crave to be informed.  Lack of information causes a rise in gossip and rumors to overtake the organization.  If a Manager is effective with communicating regularly, frequently and wisely, the employee will trust the Manager's information over their co-worker's gossip of "have you heard the latest?"

Summary:  These principles are not difficult to grasp, but sadly, are distant to some managers.  Be the type of manager who would be described as the "best boss they ever had!"  Like in any relationship, trust starts with small steps of doing the right thing and grows with on-going experience.  Do the small things that mean a lot! You'll find that trust doesn't have to be asked for, but will be given as a gift back to you. 

Building Trust In the Workplace

Trust-Meter

I recently had a question asked of me as to how to build better trust in the workplace.  What a GREAT question!  Seriously, this person really understood that trust is a lynch-pin to an organization's effectiveness.  People want to work at companies where trust is high.  If you're the type of company that has a hard time attracting and retaining talent, you might have to take a long, hard look at your "Trust-Meter." 

How Do You Measure "Trust"?

Maybe this is the best question of all.  What indicators do you look at when you consider whether or not you have high trust within your workplace?  Managers, some indicators may include:

• Do employees come to you with personal problems and questions?
• Do your employees actively volunteer for projects, committees, teams and company-sponsored events?
• Do you feel comfortable when you hold "all-employee meetings"?
• Do your people look you in the eye?  Do they actively seek you out?
• Do your people accept change well? 
• Do your employees use positive descriptors when they speak about the company or their job?
• Do your employees generally have good attendance?
• Does your company have low turnover for your industry?
• Are your employees high-performing (low drama, good output, consistent results)?

If you've answered "YES" to all of these questions, then chances are great that you have high trust in your organization.  For the rest of you....let's continue.

Trust Starts With You

Building trust starts first with your leadership.  The best boss I've ever had was steady, consistent, predictable, had great follow-through, communicated well, asked questions, and most importantly, gave trust to his employees BEFORE he expected them to trust him. 

Leaders need to be worthy of earning someone's trust.  They need to understand that employees watch everything that their leaders do and say.  They use these observations to determine if you're a trust-worthy person, or if you're a self-seeking individual who will turn coat whenever adversity arises.  Be mindful of your actions.  It takes years and years sometimes to build trust within a team, and a single bad decision to destroy that trust. 

Next time, I'll talk about specific strategies you to employ to build trust within your team.

Kathleen Lapekas - PHR

Action HR Consulting

For Personal Attention to Personnel Matters...

www.actionhrconsultant.com

Handling Conflicts - The Bull In A China Shop

The Bull In A China Shop...

I often get calls from managers at the end of their ropes with an employee who doesn't seem to get along with others. 

You know the type:

• Stellar individual performer!
• Executes without errors or delays!
• Great output!
• BUT, absolutely a "Bull in a China shop" when it comes to working with others! 

Ole! 

Pam is an A-Type personality, who works with others in a dentist office.  She is matter-of-fact.  She is sometimes harsh and says things that are blunt and insensitive.  When others come to her with questions, she rolls her eyes, sighs deeply with frustration, and patronizingly explains what to do.  She has been told that she needs to work on her "interpersonal skills" but she doesn't see a problem.  She is who she is. 

"Intent vs. Impact"

My advice:  You need to specifically sit down with Pam (the "Bull") and talk with her about her behavior.  This is delicate, so I'd approach it from the angle of "Intent vs. Impact." 

What this means is, it's not about her intentions.  She is probably a well-meaning, well-intentioned individual.  She cares!  She wants to make a difference!  She doesn't like to see errors occur!  She wants to do her job as you expect her to.

But....she  don't seem to realize that her actions are having a negative IMPACT on the others. 

That's what you need to focus on.  IMPACT.  Speak to her kindly, but sternly, about the impact of her bluntness....her sharp-tongued comments....her sarcasm.  Explain that the IMPACT of these actions is concerning. 

Mirrors Show Reflections

It's a little like putting a mirror in front of her, asking her to describe what the reflection tells her.   She needs to know how she appears to others when she behaves this way. 

Speak specifically to your own observations.  Do not use the "rumor has it," or "I've been told," when speaking with her.  Understand that she needs direct and specific feedback -- not generalizations -- in order to accurately see this problem.

"Pam, when you roll your eyes at people, what do you think it communicates?" 


She responds, "It doesn't communicate anything!  I just do this out of habit.  It means nothing." 


You coach, "So when your 12 year old daughter rolls her eyes at you when you're talking with her, that means nothing?" 


She quickly responds, "That's disrespect!  I wouldn't tolerate that." 

You calmly say, "So when your 12-year old daughter rolls her eyes at you, it's disrespect.  But when you roll your eyes at others, that's not disrespect?" 

The light switch turns on. 

"I didn't realize that I was communicating that.  I don't mean to.  I just have a habit, I guess, of doing this.  I'm not even aware sometimes that I do this."


You coach, "Do you understand how others feel when you roll your eyes and speak to them with a harsh tone?"

She nods, and tears up.  You know right there and then that you have made an impression.  She does care!  She just needs help to figure out what to do differently!

You're the Coach

You will probably find that this conversation will get her attention, but long-term may not change her overall behavior.   A one-time conversation will not necessarily work.  You will need to continue to coach and support her so that she has regular and honest feedback.  If she's going to make an earnest effort to improve her relationships with others, she needs someone to keep her apprised if it's working or if it's not.    

Summary: 

Teams have a wide-range of personalities.  Commonly, there's a strong-personality on the team that through their actions, has a "heartburn effect" on the team.  Managers need to provide honest and specific feedback on the IMPACT on the team.  Working with the "Bull" will provide the much-needed "TUMS" to settle the constant heartburn within the team. 

Kathleen Lapekas - PHR
Action HR Consulting
For Personal Attention to Personnel Matters...
www.actionhrconsultant.com

Performance Feedback: Sort of Like "Puppy Training"

It's Like Puppy-Training

For feedback to be effective, it should be specific and it should be timely.  Think of it sort of like training a puppy.  A puppy has like a 2-second attention span; and therefore doesn't remember that he wet on the carpet 1 hour ago.  People aren't quite as bad as that, but the principle works the same.

Specific and Immediate

You've got to specifically identify what I did (good or bad) and bring it to my attention immediately (or as soon as possible) after I did it. 

For example, my company has a rule that states that I get a 10-minute rest break.  I return back from my 10-minute rest break after 20 minutes of resting.  Mr. Manager, if you wait a week to tell me that you noticed I was late coming back from break last Monday, you’ve lost your window of effectiveness.  That was SO LAST WEEK! 

If you want me to change my behavior (come back from break on time) then address it right there and then when I come back late.  Identify the behavior you have observed (“I noticed that you went ten minutes over on your break”) and identify the behavior you expect to see going forward (“and I need you to get back from break on time – your break should only be ten minutes, rather than twenty minutes.”)

Taking A Shot-Gun Approach for a Laser-

Beam Problem?

Oh, and one more thing...Never take a shot-gun approach to a laser-beam problem.  How many times I've seen supervisors bring the entire team together to address the abuse of breaks.  Guess what?  Your team knows the rules.  They also know that it's really Kathleen who is abusing the rules.  They feel as though they're being punished unnecessarily by being talked to about this.  They think, "Why don't you just go talk to Kathleen?  She's completely missed the point that this message is really about her!!!!"  Don't treat "Kathleen's problem" as a "group problem."  Deal with Kathleen directly.  You'll really see an improvement. 

Summary: 

Effective performance feedback requires specific descriptions (of what I did right, or what I didn't do right) and must be timely!  Just like a puppy, I need immediate recognition or correction to teach me what you want me to do.  Otherwise, you'll end up with a lot of wet-spots on the carpet! 

Kathleen Lapekas - PHR

Action HR Consulting

For Personal Attention to Personnel Matters...

www.actionhrconsultant.com

 

Performance Feedback: Anyone Hungry?

The "Feedback Sandwich"

Someone once came up with the notion that performance feedback should “sandwich” the bad news between two pieces of good news.  For example, if someone were not meeting performance standards, it was believed that you should unpack something good, then deliver the something bad, then finish off with something good to leave them feeling ok.  While I understand this principle, I actually disagree with it. 

Cut the Mustard

If you have feedback, then say what you need to say, but don’t sandwich your message.  Tell someone that they did well if they did well.  Don’t put the “BUT” (or is it butt?) in there.  Make it a separate statement. 

For example, "Kathleen you are a great communicator, but you can't seem to get your work done on time.  I know you're trying hard, and appreciate all that you do around here."

If you "sandwich" your feedback, the receiver doesn’t hear the good stuff!  He’s bracing for impact, because after the first compliment….oh, boy, here it comes!  Then, after you’ve decimated his self-esteem with your negative feedback, he can’t hear the good piece that followed behind.  No, I don’t believe in sandwiching. 

No Balogna, Please...

I believe in "separating the sandwich."  Give me a slice of each.  Tell me what I do well.  Tell me what I need to work on.  Case closed.  Don’t connect the two.  Keep it focused on specific actions/behaviors. 

A Better Example: 

"Kathleen, you are exceptional with sharing your opinion.  Others look up to you and look to you for advice.  Nice job." 

[Well, thank you...I appreciate that.]   

"Kathleen, I have noticed that you work late nearly every night.  While I appreciate your effort, I think it's that you tend to carry on conversations and can't seem to get out at a regular time.  What do you think you could do differently to get your work done on time?" 

[Ummmm...maybe I should stop talking -- "sharing my opinion" -- and get down to the business of working?] 

Both examples of feedback are specific and to the point.  I can "wrap my head" around this feedback.  Independently, both of them are effective.  No need to throw one out there, and then "sandwich" the other with a cheery, "Keep up the good work" message.

Summary

Managers, when giving feedback to your employees, try to offer feedback without contradicting yourself in the next sentence.  Take the "BUT" out of your message.  You'll find the feedback is much more effective, and your employee won't be "bracing for impact" every time you say something nice about their work. 

Kathleen Lapekas - PHR

Action HR Consulting

For Personal Attention to Personnel Matters...

www.actionhrconsultant.com

Performance Feedback: Attitude vs. Behavior?

Avoid the word "Attitude"

I hate the word attitude.  An attitude is a label.  Its only purpose is to identify/label a series of behaviors.  If you tell someone that they have a bad attitude, they don’t know what that looks like.  They might have an idea, based on assumptions, but as a label, it does more to attack someone’s character, than to help the person realize that they need to change their behavior. 

“Your attitude needs to change immediately!”  Oh, I assure you, Mr. Manager, it just did! 

Talk In Terms of "Behaviors"

Rather than speaking in terms of "attitudes," it is far better, and more effective to speak to specific behaviors. 

Behaviors are easier to explain.  They’re observable.  They’re measurable.  You come to work on time.  You come to work late.  End of discussion. 

When you speak in terms of behaviors, it’s not about "intent," it’s about impact.  If it were about intent, then it implies that you’re somehow able to read my mind (a scary thought, I might add).  Since I know you can’t read my mind, you therefore cannot know what my intentions are. 

You can, however, discuss my behavior.  My behavior is acceptable or unacceptable.  My behavior is affecting the team positively or negatively.  My behavior is helping or hurting. 

For the Hot-Headed Types...

Refrain from using the word attitude, and I’ll be much more able to accept your feedback.  I can internalize your feedback, and make a choice as to what to do with this feedback. 

And you’ll be better able to keep me from blowing my lid!  (I'm a red-head, so this happens...)

I will be less defensive and take your feedback less personally when it’s referenced in terms of impact to others.  Don’t try to get into my psyche.  Don’t try to purport that you can tell what I’m thinking about or my intentions.  That’s too close to my self-esteem.  It’s jugular.  It won’t help me make a good decision.  It won’t help me make a change.

Summary 

Good performance feedback puts the focus on specific behaviors, and steers clear of "attitudes."  It's hard to argue about a behavior that was observed.  But, for an "Attitude Adjustment" see your local shrink.

Kathleen Lapekas - PHR

Action HR Consulting

For Personal Attention to Personnel Matters...

www.actionhrconsultant.com