Avoid the word "Attitude"
I hate the word attitude. An attitude is a label. Its only purpose is to identify/label a series of behaviors. If you tell someone that they have a bad attitude, they don’t know what that looks like. They might have an idea, based on assumptions, but as a label, it does more to attack someone’s character, than to help the person realize that they need to change their behavior.
“Your attitude needs to change immediately!” Oh, I assure you, Mr. Manager, it just did!
Talk In Terms of "Behaviors"
Rather than speaking in terms of "attitudes," it is far better, and more effective to speak to specific behaviors.
Behaviors are easier to explain. They’re observable. They’re measurable. You come to work on time. You come to work late. End of discussion.
When you speak in terms of behaviors, it’s not about "intent," it’s about impact. If it were about intent, then it implies that you’re somehow able to read my mind (a scary thought, I might add). Since I know you can’t read my mind, you therefore cannot know what my intentions are.
You can, however, discuss my behavior. My behavior is acceptable or unacceptable. My behavior is affecting the team positively or negatively. My behavior is helping or hurting.
For the Hot-Headed Types...
Refrain from using the word attitude, and I’ll be much more able to accept your feedback. I can internalize your feedback, and make a choice as to what to do with this feedback.
And you’ll be better able to keep me from blowing my lid! (I'm a red-head, so this happens...)
I will be less defensive and take your feedback less personally when it’s referenced in terms of impact to others. Don’t try to get into my psyche. Don’t try to purport that you can tell what I’m thinking about or my intentions. That’s too close to my self-esteem. It’s jugular. It won’t help me make a good decision. It won’t help me make a change.
Summary
Good performance feedback puts the focus on specific behaviors, and steers clear of "attitudes." It's hard to argue about a behavior that was observed. But, for an "Attitude Adjustment" see your local shrink.
Kathleen Lapekas - PHR
Action HR Consulting
For Personal Attention to Personnel Matters...
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